I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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