Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
