After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
