Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
