dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
