I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
