He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
