Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
