It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They took my balls.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
