You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
