Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
