I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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