Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
