what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Hippo gnu deer
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
