I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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