I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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