you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
