Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
