How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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