The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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