that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
