Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
