im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
