so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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