Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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