so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
