I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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