you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
