fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
