$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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