Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
