What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
