fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
