The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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