She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
