rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
