I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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