you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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