She is in my trunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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