I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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