i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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