Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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