I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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