How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
