Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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