Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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