Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
