I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
