Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
