we have officially lost it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
