Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
