It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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