i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
