but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
