I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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