1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
