zippers are such a cool invention
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
