that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
