There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
