You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
50% drunk capacity currently
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
