You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
