we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
