I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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