Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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