I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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