It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
