I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
