i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize