ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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