The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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