; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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