I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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