I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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