we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
