I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
