my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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