I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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