my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
