He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
