Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
