And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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